If the recommendation is of the “for you” variety and it’s off the mark, lucky you. Here’s an opportunity to explain more about your tastes to your friend. Maybe the book was glacially paced and you like your books to be a little zippier. Or maybe you don’t like to read on-page sex scenes and the book was explicit. That’s helpful information for your friend to know, and they’ll likely be glad to try again, taking these new findings into consideration. But when the recommendation is coming from the heart? That warrants a careful step. For many of us, sharing book recommendations is like sharing a piece of our soul. Books can express experiences and feelings we’ve never been able to capture in words ourselves. They create worlds we want to visit and invite our loved ones into. So we share these books, hoping that the people in our lives can understand us better through the books we read. When someone recommends a book to me, I try to honor the implications of that recommendation. Even still, sometimes I hate the book. What then? Not saying anything is always an option. In the case of hating things your friends like, it’s generally the best path, in fact. The real trouble comes with the dreaded question, “So did you ever read that book I gave you?” So if the tables are turned, and you’re asked about a recommendation that you read and hated, I’m sorry your friend put you in a tough spot. At this point, you have to really consider the kind of relationship you have with this person and go forth accordingly. Another tack to take is to ask a question that gets them talking about it. For example, “Did you think X was a metaphor for Y?” The unspoken part: the ham-handed symbolism in this book is visible from outer space. It’s possible that hearing what your friend loves about the book will alter your own feelings. Or allowing them to gush will make it a positive enough interaction for you both that you won’t have to say much. You do not have to be detailed about the degree to which you disliked a book. But suppose you express your dislike for a book in a reasonably gentle way — again, “it wasn’t for me” is a great phrase — and that upsets your friend. You’ve done nothing wrong. They were wrong to follow up on the recommendation, and being hurt about something like personal opinions about books is not reasonable. Let them be upset! They’ll get over it if they’re a person worth being around. And hopefully they will learn that valuable lesson about trusting the recommendee to follow up.
